Torture
by queer girl for queer rights
Summary: Justin is kidnapped and raped. JustinBrian. WARNING: Contains GRAPHIC RAPE scenes, torture, and kidnapping. Do not read if subject is upsetting. Please Read & Review.
1. Chapter 1

Brian Kinney sighed heavily as he adjusted his pillow for the hundredth time that night, trying to get comfortable. He'd been lying there for over an hour trying to get to sleep. He rolled over to his other side and was facing someone's back. Normally, Brian would have to think to remember who he slept with last night, but Brian's life has changed slightly. He didn't have to think, he knew that he would wake up next to Justin.

Brian, without thinking, reached over and touched Justin's shoulder with the tip of his finger. Justin rolled over onto his back and looked over at Brian. He pushed his hands into his eyes groggily. "What time is it?" Justin asked.

"2:30 in the morning," Brian said. "Go back to sleep, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Can't sleep?" Justin asked.

"No. I've been thinking about work. I'm meeting with an important client in the morning."

Justin lifted his arm and Brian shifted closer. He rested his head on Justin's shoulder and wrapped his arm around Justin's torso as Justin lowered his arm around Brian. Brian felt Justin's lips kiss the top of his head. He watched the way Justin's chest rose and fell with each breath. Feeling comforted and safe, Brian closed his eyes and started to relax. The last thing that Brian remembered thinking before he fell asleep was how content he felt when he was with Justin.

Six hours later, Brian felt someone shaking his shoulder. Brian mumbled something incoherent and fell back asleep. The next thing he knew, he felt a set of lips on his, not fully awake yet, Brian responded by kissing the person back before opening his eyes. Justin smiled at him and started to get up. Brian grabbed Justin by the hand and pulled him so he was straddling him. Justin leaned down and kissed Brian again. As Brian was kissing him back, Justin pulled away. Brian let out a soft whimper.

"Come on, sleepy head," Justin said, pulling the covers off the bed. "You have a very important meeting with a very important client." Brian sighed and got up.

When Brian was ready and fully dressed, he gave Justin a kiss before leaving. "See you later."

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After a quick bite at the diner, Brian, Justin, Michael, Emmett, and Ted all headed over to Babylon. They were hanging out at the bar, observing Ted as he got rejected by every guy that walked by. As a good song came on, Justin started to dance in place while proceeding to drag Brian onto the dance floor. Brian handed his drink to Michael as he let himself be pulled into the mob of dancing bodies. Justin and Brian let their bodies move together as their lips met every once in a while.

After an hour or two, Justin and Brian left Babylon and headed back to Brian's car. "Shit, my jacket," Justin realized. "I left it inside." He stood there wrapping his arms around himself to shield himself from the cold.

"Leave it, I'll get you a new one," Brian said, hugging Justin to give him warmth.

"It'll just take a second," Justin insisted. "I'll meet you in the car." Justin turned and jogged back in the club as Brian climbed into the car and lit a cigarette. After grabbing his jacket and putting it on, Justin left Babylon again.

"Hey," Justin heard. Turning around, he saw a well built man in his early thirties checking him out.

"I'm not interested," Justin said, turning away from the man. Justin only walked a step before he felt something hard hit him in the head, and then everything went black.

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Brian finished his cigarette and glanced at his watch. Ten minutes. Now he was getting pissed. He could just picture Justin dancing with some hot guy or fucking someone. Brian was horny and planning to fuck Justin and his dick didn't like waiting. Brian entered Babylon and found Ted, Michael and Emmett exactly where he left them. "Have you seen Justin?" he asked.

"No," they said.

"Fuck," he said in frustration, looking at the large crowd of half nude men dancing. Pulling out his cell phone, he tried calling Justin's cell, only to get Justin's voicemail message. After looking for Justin for twenty minutes, he gave up and figured he found some guy to fuck. Feeling rejected he got in his car and went back to his empty loft.

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Justin woke up with his head pounding. He figured he must have a hangover. Justin tried to use his hand to rub his eye, but soon realized that he was tied spread eagle, face down. He opened his eyes in panic, but there was only darkness. He was blindfolded. He moved his hands in vain, but they were tightly bound. There was duck tape over his mouth. His heart started to race as he tried to remember what happened. He remembered dancing with Brian at Babylon, but he doesn't know how he got here.

He tried to get his bearings. Shifting around, he felt cloth under him, like he was on a bed. He was naked. Oh, God, he was naked. Was he raped? Was it sex gone wrong?

There wasn't anyone in the room with him. All he could do was wait in fear. He shivered, wishing to be safe in bed with Brian. How did he get himself in this situation?

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Closing the door behind him, Brian pulled his shirt off over his head as he walked towards the bed. As he suspected, the bed was empty. Undressing, he climbed under the blankets, feeling lonely. He thought of Justin fucking some stranger, feeling jealous. He knew that they had an open relationship, but lately, Brian was actually thinking about talking to Justin as ending that agreement and having a committed relationship. Brian doesn't have the same need to fuck hot strangers anymore. Could it be that he is actually ready to settle down? That he may be in love? That he wants Justin to be his partner. Brian smiled at the thought. But knowing that Justin was out there fucking someone else was painful.

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Justin heard the door open and then close. Justin tried to shout out, but all that came out was muffled noise because of the duck tape. Justin felt the bed dip to the side as the person climbed on the bed. The person, who Justin sensed was a man, straddled Justin's legs, trapping him. He felt the denim material of the man's pants and the buckle of a belt felt cold against Justin's skin. Justin struggled and tried to throw the man off him. Justin felt a tongue touch his shoulder and trail down his spine and back up. The man bit Justin softly on his left shoulder. Then the mouth kissed the spot he bit. The man bit Justin's right shoulder much harder, causing Justin to scream into his gag.

The man slid down Justin's legs and climbed off the bed. Justin's stomach clenched when he heard the all too familiar sound of a belt unbuckling. He's going to rape me, Justin thought. Justin pulled on his restraints, trying to free himself. He was expecting to hear the man's pants drop. He was expecting a cock at his anus. He was not expecting to hear the belt hitting his skin. And he didn't expect tremendous pain. It was the worst pain he had ever felt. Justin screamed and wailed into his gag and struggled against his restraints. Justin was gasping for breath through his nose between sobs when the belt hit his back again. He screamed as another surge of pain rushed through his back. The belt slid across his stinging skin. Justin heard the belt make a whistling sound as it swung through the air, followed by the crack as the leather struck flesh, accompanied by Justin's muffled screams. Justin felt the rope dig into the skin on his wrists and ankles as he struggled to free himself.

It hurt so bad that Justin couldn't even think straight enough to pray to God. A damp spot of tears collected on the sheets beneath him. The whipping seemed to go on forever. After fifteen lashes, Justin's bladder let loose and he wet the mattress. He stopped screaming and just cried in humiliation. After thirty lashes, his body started to go numb.

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As Brian sat through a meeting the next day, he had one of those gut feelings that something really bad was happening. He pushed it from his mind and finished up the meeting, it returned again. He kept on trying to ignore it, but each time he did, it would return stronger and stronger. Closing himself in his office, he called Justin's cell, getting his cell phone. Looking at the clock, he realized that Justin was probably still in school, so that would explain why he wasn't answering his cell phone. He had no luck with calling the loft they shared. Just to give himself peace of mind, he called Justin's school.

"Pittsburgh's School of Fine Art, this is Nancy, how can I help you?" a woman answered.

"Yes, I was trying to contact one of your students, Justin Taylor," Brian said. "It's very urgent," he added.

"Please hold," Nancy said. Brian waited in silence for a minute before Nancy came back on the phone.

"I'm sorry, but he did not come to school today."

"Well, did he call in sick or something?"

"No."

"Thank you," Brian said before hanging up.

Brian tried to convince himself that he was overreacting. Justin was fine. He was just fucking someone, breaking their rule about coming home. He must have fallen asleep at some guy's place and then decided to skip school and do something else. But he would have called. Maybe Justin's mad at him. But what could Brian have done to upset him? Maybe his cell phone died. Telling himself that, Brian started to go through some files. Still, Brian couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, and he had a feeling that Justin might be in trouble.

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Justin must have passed out because he woke up in a lot of pain. It only took a moment for it all to come rushing back at him. Justin didn't understand why this man kidnapped him. There are plenty of guys who are into leather and being submissive and role playing. Why him? He didn't know if Brian could hear him, but he decided it was worth a shot. _Brian, can you hear me?_, Justin thought. _Brian, I'm so scared. I need you. I'm hurt, cold, and hungry. I'm lying here in my own piss. I know you probably can't hear me, but I hope to God that you realize I didn't go home with some guy to fuck. I hope that you realize that __I've been kidnapped and I'm in trouble. I hope that you've called the cops. Brian, I need you now more than I have ever needed anyone in my entire life. Please, Brian, please save me._

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After ten minutes, Brian couldn't shake the feeling. As a salesman, he learned to listen to his gut when it came to business. But he had never believed anyone could sense that something was wrong, somewhere else. Picking up the phone, he called everyone: Debbie at the diner, Vic at Debbie's house, Michael, Ted, Emmett, Lindsay, and even Daphne. Debbie, Vic, and Daphne hadn't heard from him. Michael, Ted and Emmett volunteered to check out Babylon and Woody's. After a half hour, Brian got a call from Michael.

"We didn't find him," Michael said.

"Alright, just keep looking," Brian said and hung up.

Getting up, he gathered this stuff and headed out of his office.

"Brian," Cynthia cornered him. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"You can't go home. You have a meeting with the Gilldenberg Foundation in fifteen minutes."

"Find someone else. I don't care. I have an emergency to deal with, so get the fuck out of my face before I smash it in." With that he stormed out of the building. He was no longer in denial that something has happened to Justin. He prayed that he would find Justin in the loft, passed out, which would explain not answering the phone.

Letting himself into his loft, he looked around. "Justin!" he called out. "Justin, are you here?" Looking throughout the loft, he didn't find him. There was one last person to call.

Staring at the phone with much hesitation, he picked it up and dialed.

"Hello? Hello? I'm hanging up the phone."

"Jennifer," Brian interjected.

"Yes?" Jennifer Taylor responded.

"It's Brian. Have you heard from Justin?" He tried not to worry her.

"No, I haven't. Why?"

"Justin, he," Brian felt his throat tighten as he was speaking Justin's mother. "He didn't come home last night, and I just have a bad feeling that something's happened. And I don't want to worry you, and he's probably fine, but I just can't shake this feeling."

"You tried calling him?" she asked.

"Yes. I called his cell phone and he's not at our place. The school said he didn't show up. He's not at Debbie's and Michael, Ted, and Emmett have checked all the clubs and bars and didn't find him."

Jennifer took a shaky breath. "Have you called the cops yet?"

"I was planning on calling them after I called you."

"Call them and I'll be over there soon."

"You should wait at your place in case he calls or comes home."

"Ok. Call me as soon as you hear anything."

Hanging up he called 911.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"I'd like to declare someone missing."

"Please hold while I direct your call." He was redirected. "Missing Persons, how can I help you?"

"My boyfriend, Justin Taylor, is missing. He didn't come home last night and I can't find him. My name is Brian Kinney and I last saw Justin at a dance club called Babylon in Pittsburg at 11:30 pm when he went back in to find his jacket."

Brian left his information and agreed to meet with a police officer at his loft. Fifteen minutes later, he was talking to Officer West and Officer Troy. Brian agreed to allow them to tap his phone in case Justin called. Handing Officer Troy a picture of Justin, Brian told him, "I need him safe. I-I love him."

The buzzer from the door went off. With a feeling of hope, he raced to the buzzer and pressed the button. "Hello?"

"It's Michael."

His heart dropped as he pressed the button to let Michael up. As soon as Michael was through the door he went up to Brian and embraced him. Brian held on as if for dear life. He squeezed his eyes shut to try to stop the tears. "I'm starting to get scared."

"I'm sure he's fine," Michael tried to reassure him.

Brian shook his head. "I can feel it in my gut. Something bad has happened. I don't know what, but I do know that he's scared and he needs me and I can't do anything to help him." His shoulders started to shake before he even realized that he was crying.

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Justin heard the door open and close. Justin heard the man unbuckle his belt again. Not again, Justin thought. This time, he heard pants unzipping and clothing falling to the floor. He's going to rape Justin. Justin hoped that it wouldn't hurt. He hoped that the man would at least use a condom. Justin felt the cool liquid of what he assumed was lube at his anus. The man climbed on top of Justin and aimed his cock at Justin's opening. He touched Justin's anus and pushed forward. Justin didn't struggle; he just resigned to his fate. There wasn't really much pain, thanks to the lube. The man went slow at first, and then picked up speed. He was surprisingly gentle. Justin wondered if this was the same man who whipped him earlier. After a while, he actually started to respond. Against his will, his cock started to harden. He actually started to feel pleasure. He was disgusted with himself. What was wrong with him? Enjoying his own rape. He tried not to, but he couldn't help it. He came. He cried in shame until it was over and the man ejaculated into the condom. The man collapsed on top of him, crushing Justin under his heavy body. The man recovered and pulled out.

To Justin's surprise, the man started to undo his restraints. With a glimmer of hope, Justin thought that the man might let him go. The man flipped Justin onto his back and pulled Justin's arms above his head again and tied them above his head to the headboard. Justin felt the man's weight as he straddled his chest.

"I'm going to take the tape off your mouth," he warned as he reached over. "This may hurt. Please don't scream. I don't want to hurt you."

The man ripped the tape off quickly. "Ahh!" Justin exclaimed at the pain. "Please let me go," he pleaded. "I swear I won't tell the cops. I haven't seen what you look like, just let me go."

"Shhh," the man soothed. "Please be quiet. I don't have much time. I wanted to tell you what the plan is. There are three of us. Me and two others. I just fucked you. The other two are going to fuck you. They will beat you more. But they will not kill you. They will drive you far away and drop you off somewhere. You will walk until you find a phone which is when you will call someone to get you. You can call the cops but it won't matter since we use condoms and you haven't seen our faces."

Justin cried. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you're just a kid. Because you remind me too much of my nephew. That's why I went easy on you. But I can't protect you, I can only warn you. Just don't try anything stupid, because we will free you. You have to trust me. Do you trust me?"

Justin hesitated before he nodded. The man helped him to the bathroom and gave him food and water. The food was familiar. When he got to the lemon bars, he knew that the food had come from the Liberty Diner. Debbie must have seen one of the men, coming in to pick up the food, not realizing that she was serving the man who was holding the sweet boy she called Sunshine hostage. Had Brian been there? Oh, God, he missed them. He gave him a blanket to warm himself up. Justin felt grateful that the man was being kind to him, but he was scared of the two other men that will rape and beat him.


	2. Chapter 2

Every hour, Brian called everyone (Debbie, Vic, Emmett, Ted, Lindsay, Daphne, and Jennifer) to check if they had heard anything or seen him. They all told him no and each offered to come over to be with him. Each time he refused, insisting that they stay spread out because Justin could come to or call any of them, so he didn't want to risk the chance of missing him. The only company that he allowed himself was Michael who was trying to be supportive and optimistic.

Now Brian was going through Justin's sketch book. The last twenty pages were filled with sketches of Brian. Brian knew that Justin was in love with him. He hoped that Justin knew that Brian was in love with him. Brian almost smiled at the thought of being in love. He had always sworn that he would never fall in love. Now look at him. He was practically calling the federal reserves because the guy that he fucks didn't come home one night.

Closing the sketch book, Brian got up and walked to the bed, intending to lay down for some rest. On the bed was Justin's T shirt. Picking it up, he felt the cheap material in his fingers. Bringing it up to his face he breathed it in deeply, smelling Justin's scent.

_Please God,_ he prayed. _I know that I've never really believed in you and I don't deserve your help, but they say that you can help. I don't know if you can do anything, but if you can try, if you can bring my Justin back to me, I will be so grateful. I've never asked you for anything, but please do this for me._

Brian felt a hand on his shoulder. Knowing it was Michael, he reached and covered Michael's hand with his on his shoulder.

"Do you feel it?" Brian asked.

"Feel what?"

"His pain. His fear."

"I feel your pain," Michael said, sitting down next to Brian on the bed. "And I feel your fear."

"I should have gone with him. I shouldn't have gone to the car."

"This is not your fault."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"I should have called the cops sooner. I thought that he was fucking someone. I was mad at him."

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The nice man left him alone, warning him that one of the others was coming soon. True to his words, the door opened and closed less than five minutes after the nice man left. Only, it wasn't one man, it was two men. Justin shivered in fear, lying on his back with his arms and legs tied spread eagle on the bed. He heard some mumbling and shuffling going on. He waited in fear, unable to see what was going on. He heard a match being lit, and although he wasn't sure what that meant, he knew that it wasn't good. Then he felt fingers at each nipple, rubbing them until they were erect. Then his nipples were being twisted in opposite directions.

"Ahhh!" He screamed. "Please don't hurt me." They laughed at him. Next he felt something, a droplet of something, dropped onto his stomach. It didn't register at first, then, "AHHH!!!" It happened again, an inch to the right. He screamed again. "What the fuck is that?!"

"Candle wax," a man said. As another drop of hot wax hit his nipple, he heard another match being lit. He feared that the other man was lighting another candle. Then he smelt something familiar. Cigarette smoke. God, Justin could use a cigarette, but he didn't dare ask. Another drop. Justin bit his lip and was breathing heavily through his nose, trying to breathe through the pain. Breathing supposedly helps women in labor. Justin tried to separate his mind from his body. He tried to picture Brian's face. He just managed to form Brian's face in him mind when he felt pain worse than the whipping on his back.

"AHHHHHH!!!! AHHHHH!!!" He hollered and screamed and pulled against his restraints. The man just dropped hot wax on his cock. Justin gasped for breath. Another drop hit the tip of his cock. "AHHHHH!!! FUCK!!!" Tears flowed from his eyes and he felt his stomach turning. He felt a hand grabbing his cock and moving it to the side. The next drop of hot wax hit his left ball. He screamed at the top of his lungs. His toes curled, his head thrashed from side to side, he almost pulled his hand off by pulling against his restraint. Another drop hit his right ball. He was given a chance to recover.

"Please," he pleaded between gasping breaths. "Please, stop. No more, I can't take it. It hurts too much." He felt hot pain on his stomach. The other man just put out his cigarette on Justin's skin. "STOP!!! Please, stop. Fuck me, I don't care. Just stop burning me."

"You heard him," one of the men said. "He wants us to fuck him."

"We better give the boy what he wants," said the other.

He felt hands on his restraints. "If you try to run, I fill a bathtub up with hot wax and put you in it. Got it?"

Justin nodded. When his arms and legs were free, he just laid there, though he wanted to try to run away with every cell in his body. He let the hands move him so that he was on his hands and knees. He heard the familiar sound of condom wrappers. A set of hands on his hips and another on his head. A cock bumped his lips, which he opened to take it in his mouth. "Bite me and you're a dead man." The cock slipped into his mouth as another cock started to push against his anus. The cock head got through. The cock in his mouth touched the back of his throat, making him gag. While concentrating on not throwing up, the other cock thrust hard into his ass. It burned as it plowed into his dry ass with no lube. He was not going to be gentle. Justin choked on the cock that was pushing down his throat, making it hard to breathe. The cock in his ass pull almost all the way out before thrusting all the way into his ass. He had the entire cock in his ass. The man in his ass was without mercy and was fucking him like crazy, disregarding his pain. The man in his mouth managed to get all of his cock in his mouth and down his throat. Justin tried to breathe through his nose, but he couldn't get any air to his lungs. He tried to pull his head away, but a hand kept his head in place. As the man in his mouth fucked his face, he tried to catch a breath whenever the cock removed from his throat.

As he was being fucked from both ends, Justin started to feel himself fading from the lack of oxygen. He thought he was going to die. The man in his ass came first, and then the man in his mouth came. When the cock was pulled from his mouth, he collapsed face first into the bed, gasping for breath.

"Tell me," one man said. "Have you ever done fisting?"

"No. Please, don't do that," he begged. "Haven't you done enough?"

"Well, as much as I enjoyed your mouth, I want to fuck your ass. And I'm sure my pal here wants to feel your tight little throat spasm as you choke. But we're soft now, and it takes a while for us to get it up again."

"Please, you don't have to do this," Justin pleaded. "I'll jerk you off or fuck you or blow you 'til you're hard again, just don't fist me."

A hand grabbed him by his hair, lifting his head up. He felt a fist connect with his eye. "Shut up. We're the ones calling the shots."

He heard some shuffling and noises then, "What are you doing?" from one man.

"I'm gloving up, what does it look like I'm doing?" said the other.

"Like hell you are, I'm gonna fist him." There was a pause, then, "You got to whip him and wax him, I get to fist him."

There was a pause, then, "Fine." After they finished fighting over who was going to fist Justin, Justin felt hands tug his arms up. He pulled against the hands, but they were too strong and they overpowered him, successfully binding his hands to the headboard. Justin tried to control his breathing and calm down, but he was starting to hyperventilate. _Brian, Brian, Brian_, he thought to himself._ I need you. Where are you? Why haven't you found me? If you cared about me at all, you'd find me and save me. I'm scared. I feel like I'm dying and the torture isn't even close to being over. I wish they would stop. I wish this was all just a really bad dream and I'll wake up next to you. Wake up, Justin, wake up._

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Brian's head rolled forward, jerking him awake. He rubbed his eyes and blinked his eyes open. Looking around, he saw Michael asleep on the couch beside him. It was dark outside. Brian looked over at the dining room table to find Officer West yawning and taking a sip of coffee. Getting up, careful not to disturb Michael, he went over and joined Officer West. Officer West looked up as Brian sat down. "Want some coffee?"

Brian nodded and Officer West got up and walked over to the coffee pot and poured a cup for Brian. "What time is it?" Brian asked.

The cop looked at his watch. "3:30 A.M." Knowing what Brian was going to ask, he said, "We haven't heard anything yet. Justin's picture has been given to all the cops nearby in case they see him." Brian looked down at his cup. "How long have you been together?"

Brian looked up, surprised by the question. He was trying to think. "Depends how you look at it. We first fucked three years ago, but we've been 'together' for about two years, I guess."

"I can tell you love him very much."

Brian smirked. "I never believed in love. I thought it was something straight people told themselves they were in and just made things messy. I believed in fucking." The cop didn't say anything. "We have these rules. We can fuck other guys, as long as there's no kissing, no names, no numbers, and never the same guy twice. And no matter what, we come home to each other by 3 A.M. I actually have been meaning to talk to him about getting rid of the rules and being committed to each other. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't have thought that he was fucking some guy when he didn't come back to the car. I would have called the cops then." Brian put his face in his hands, tired. "Anyways, it's past 3 in the morning, and that makes this the second night in a row that he broke the 3 A.M. rule." Brian slumped back in the chair.

Grabbing a pen off the table, he started to absentmindedly rolling it between his fingers and uncapping and recapping it as he tried to think of how to ask his next question. "Do you… Is there like… How many missing people are found alive?" He glanced up quickly at the officer but couldn't keep eye contact and went back to focusing on the pen.

"I don't know," the officer said. "If I gave you a percentage, I'd be guessing. The best thing that you can do is not to give up hope."

Brian glanced at the man again and nodded, not saying anything for a while. "Is there someone that you love? More than anything in the world?"

"I'm divorced," he said. Brian smirked, with an 'it figures' expression on his face. "But I do have a daughter," the officer offered. "And I love her more than anything in the world. And if she was missing, I don't know what I'd do with myself."

"I wish that it was me. I wish I could switch places with him. That they would hurt me instead of him. I'd do anything to take away his pain. I just feel so useless."

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"Pull his cheeks apart," one man ordered. Justin felt his ass cheeks being pulled apart by a set of hands. Next he felt a gloved finger with a cool liquid, lube, he assumed, push into his ass. It went in easy, and the finger went in and out of his ass, before being pulled out. Then two fingers with more lube went in. He was trying to lube up his ass. A third finger went in and Justin was starting to feel uncomfortable.

The man at least allowed Justin's anus to adjust and expand before adding the next finger. The pinkie joined the other three fingers. The pain was starting to kick in now. Justin groaned. The man spread his fingers out, pushing on the outer walls of his anal canal. He started to rotate his fingers. "Ahh!" Justin groaned and started to breathe faster.

"You've got to suck it up, pussy boy," the man said. "Because this is just the beginning."

Justin bit his lip and squeezed his eyes as the man pushed the four fingers in past the last knuckle. "AHHH!" His ass squeezed the hand tightly. Nothing this big has ever been up him, and it was going to get bigger. The hand pulled back a little, and then pushed back, this time with the thumb. "AHHH!!! FUCK! It hurts! Take it out! Take it out! I'll do anything you want, just take it out!" The hand pushed forward more.

"Damn, he's tight!" the man said, referring to his ass. "You should feel this."

The hand pushed further. "ARGGG!!!" Justin exclaimed when he had the hand in his ass up to the wrist. "STOP! TAKE IT OUT! PLEASE!" The hand rotated. Justin bit into the pillow under his face and screamed into it. It hurt just as bad as the wax on his cock did. Then the hand started to clench into a fist while still in his ass. As the fingers were bending, they pushed on the walls of his anus to go even wider. Fingernails scraped the walls of his ass. "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" he wailed and screamed. He tried to squirm, but that made the hand in his ass move, which hurt so much that he tried to stay still. He felt the he was being split in half, it hurt so much. He was biting his lip so hard he tasted blood.

The hand finally formed a fist. It was like having a baseball bat shoved up his ass. The hand pulled back an inch and thrust hard forward. It was like the man was punching him up his ass. The fist inched forward slowly. He kept on thinking that it couldn't possibly go any further when it kept on going further and further. It was like a train was going through him. It felt like it was going into his intestines. He couldn't stop screaming. He felt like he was dying. He wanted to die. He just wanted it to end. If he could kill himself right now he would, just to end the pain.

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At 4 A.M. Michael woke up. He shuffled over to the table where Brian and the cop were sitting in silence. Michael sat down and looked at Brian, waiting for Brian to look at him. Brian eventually looked up at Michael, feeling vulnerable. Michael reached over and tucked a strand of Brian's hair behind his ear. Brian closed his eyes as a tear escaped.

"You should sleep," Michael said. Brian shook his head. "Can I do anything for you?" Brian shook his head again.

Not wanting to break down, Brian got up and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. "Get me if he calls," he said as he stripped. He scrubbed himself quickly with the soap so that he wouldn't be away from the phone for too long. He dropped the soap. Bending down the pick it up, he dropped it again, and then a third time. His hands were trembling. He kneeled down on his knees on the shower floor. He hunched over, leaning his head into his elbows on the floor, he started to fall apart. The water was coming down in bullets onto his back. Sounds of his crying echoed.

He knew he shouldn't be falling apart. He knew Justin was the one who was scared, vulnerable, hurt, and possibly dead. Brian was safe in his loft, with people he could trust. Be a man, Brian, he told himself. Even as he told himself this, he still felt scared that he might lose Justin.

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Justin felt slaps on his face.

"Wake up boy," he heard. "We're not through with you."

Justin groaned and realized he must have passed out. He tried to move, but he realized something was still up his ass. It was the arm. And it was still pumping in and out of him. He wanted to pass out again. He was hurting so bad. After another two minutes of complete agony, the man complained of his hand cramping up, so he pulled out. They shared a laugh at his expense when they saw that his anus stayed open. The man went to wash his hands before returning.

"I don't know about you, but that gave me one hell of a hard on," one of them said. The other agreed. They slipped on fresh condoms and got ready to use him for their own pleasure, one at his mouth, one at his ass. It burned having a cock thrust in and out of his ass. He was sure that something down there had been torn during the fisting. But the cock was definitely better than having an entire arm inside him. He choked on the cock in his throat, depriving him of air. They didn't last very long and soon he was left alone.

He buried his face into the pillow and sobbed. He felt so dirty and ashamed and broken. He didn't feel like he had any life left in him. He didn't feel human. He didn't want to go back, didn't want to face the world. He didn't want anyone to know what happened to him. He didn't want Brian to see him like this. He just wanted to die. Despite all this, he would give anything to be held in Brian's arms. Justin cried himself to sleep.

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Brian wanted a beer, or a hit. But he wanted to be sober if and when Justin called. Instead he drank coffee, trying to stay alert, despite feeling exhausted. He refused to go to sleep. Images kept flashing though his head. He kept on picturing the worst. He pictured Justin lying in a pool of blood, lifeless. 5 A.M. became 6 A.M., which became 7 A.M. At 7 the door buzzer went off. Brian jogged over to the intercom. "Justin?" He asked with a heart full of hope.

There was a pause. "It's Debbie." He rested his head against the wall and pressed the button to let her up. He cracked the door open and seated himself back at the table, resting his head in his hands. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked at Debbie. He attempted a smile but failed. Debbie opened her mouth to say something.

"Don't say anything," he insisted. Debbie closed her mouth, hearing the hurt in his voice. She knew that he was trying to pull himself together. Debbie got up and started going through the fridge and started to cook. Brian didn't say anything as he accepted the plate of food in front of him. Michael and Officer West started eating while Brian pushed the food around on his plate. He managed to eat a piece of toast but felt like he would throw up when he tried to eat the eggs.

"It's okay," Debbie told him as she picked up his plate that he had been staring at for the last two minutes. "Can I do anything for you, Brian?" she asked. He shook his head. "Well, I need to get to the diner. I want to hear the second you hear from him, okay?" He nodded and let her leave.

At 7:30, Officer Troy came over and Officer West went home. Brian called the office and told them he couldn't come in. He stared at the phone, willing it to ring, for Justin to call.

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**Please review. I know its selfish, but reviews make me happy, and I'd probably update the next chapter faster. So please review-positive and constructive criticism are welcome- just no homophobic comments- those are unnecessary, so please keep those thoughts to yourself.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Wake up, boy, wake up," Justin felt someone shaking his shoulder. He woke with a start, on high alert. He still couldn't see anything. Pulling his arms and legs, he realized that they weren't bound. Had he been saved? Was he somewhere else, safe? "Get dressed, you're being released today." He recognized the voice as the nice man who warned him about the other two men. His heart dipped when he realized he was still kidnapped, but then the words registered. They're letting him go. It was over. His agony was over. He sat up and felt around for the man. Surprising them both, he hugged the man tightly. He didn't know why he was hugging his rapist, though it didn't seem like he really raped him, compared to the other two. But he felt almost like this man was saving him. The man pulled away. "Hurry up and get dressed. Don't give them any reason to be mad at you. You are going to keep your blindfold on the entire time. We are going to drop you off and it's up to you to find a phone." The man helped Justin get dressed.

"Can I ask you something?" Justin said.

"What?"

"Why do you go along with them? You're not mean like them."

"I used to be like them. But when I tried to get out, they threatened to go after my kids. I try to be gentle with the victim and make sure they don't kill anyone."

"You don't… Do you know who I am or where I live?"

"We aren't dropping you off at your place."

"I know that. I just wanted to know if I have to worry about looking over my shoulder everywhere I am."

"No, we don't know your name or address. We didn't look through your wallet. And we aren't staying in Philadelphia. We are always on the move, afraid of getting caught if we stay too long in one place."

"Thank you."

"I don't deserve your thanks."

"Get the kid and let's go!" they heard from another room.

"We're coming!" the man shouted back. "Come on, boy," the man grabbed Justin's hand and pulled him off the bed. Justin groaned in pain as he stood. His ass burned like crazy. "They really did a number on you, didn't they?"

"I felt like I was dying."

Justin let the man guide him down a set of stairs and into a van. They drove for what felt like twenty minutes or so before the car slowed to a stop. Justin felt coins being folded into his palm. The door slid open and he was shoved onto the pavement and heard the car drive off. Justin pulled off his blindfold and looked at the van driving off, trying to read the license plate, but his eyes were still adjusting to the light that he was only able to identify the type of car it was. He looked around to see where he had been dropped off. He was in front of an elementary school, empty of cars. It must be the weekend. He looked for the name of the school. Brooks Elementary. Next he looked for a phone. He found a payphone on the school.

With shaking hands he put in two quarters and dialed the number.

Brian got up to pour himself a sixth cup of coffee. He sat down across from Officer Troy and sipped his coffee. Then he heard it. What he had been waiting all night to hear. The phone rang. Brian's heart filled with hope and anticipation. He waited for Officer Troy to set up a trace and put on some headphones.

"Hello?" Brian asked. He didn't hear anything. "Justin?"

He heard sobbing on the other line. "B-B-Brian," Justin sobbed.

Brian felt a lump in his throat. "Justin, are you okay?"

"No… I need you."

"I'm coming to get you. Are you in a safe place?"

"I'm at Brooks Elementary School. I don't know the address."

"Don't worry about it. This call is being traced by the cops. Hang tight, I'm going to be over there as fast as I can."

"Thank you Brian."

They hung up once Officer Troy completed the trace and got the exact location Justin called from. Brian ran down the steps two at a time, followed by Officer Troy and Michael. They all rode in Officer Troy's car who put the siren on and drove as fast as he could do safely. He called for emergency assistance over the radio. Brian stared out the window, feeling more impatient than he did the last sixteen hours he'd been in the dark. Brian saw the sign, 'Brooks Elementary'. Before Officer Troy could even come to a complete stop, Brian was hurtling himself out of the car. "Justin!" he called, looking around wildly for Justin.

"Brian!" he heard. He followed the voice and saw him. He wanted to race up to him, but he didn't want to scare him. He walked over and stopped a foot away from him. He reached up and brushed a tear from Justin's bruised eye. He watched Justin's face crumble at his touch. Brian gently pulled Justin to him and wrapped his arms around him. Justin wrapped his arms around Brian's back and squeezed as if holding on for dear life. He broke down and sobbed and wailed on Brian's shoulder. Justin finally felt safe. "I was so scared. I needed you so much."

"I was scared too," Brian said as tears flowed from his eyes too. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

Brian started to feel an increase in weight from Justin as Justin started to lean on him for support. "I feel a little faint," Justin said in a far away voice.

Brian looked around but the ambulance wasn't there yet. "Okay, let's sit down," he said and helped Justin to a nearby bench. Justin continued to lean against Brian as he tried to stop crying.

Michael sat down on the other side of Justin and put a comforting hand on Justin's shoulder. Justin flinched at the touch and Michael withdrew his hand quickly. "I'm sorry," Michael said.

"It's okay," Brian said. "It's just Michael."

They heard the ambulance arrive and waited for the EMT's to approach them with the gurney. As Brian helped Justin onto the gurney, Justin grabbed Brian's hand. "Don't leave me."

"I won't." Brian held Justin's hand in the ambulance and as they were wheeling his stretcher down the hall of the hospital. Michael jogged after them as they approached the end of the hallway.

"You have to wait in the waiting room," the doctor told Brian. Resigned, Brian started to let go of Justin's hand.

"He's coming with me," Justin insisted, gripping Brian's hand.

"He can see you after your exam," the doctor reassured Justin.

"NO! I WON'T SEE A DOCTOR IF HE CAN'T COME!" Justin started screaming, hysterical.

"Justin," Brian tried to say. "You'll be okay. I'll just be here in the waiting room."

"Don't leave me," Justin pleaded, pulling and climbing up Brian's shirt till he was half upright and wrapped his arms around Brian, holding on in desperation. "Don't leave me, please, I can't be alone. Brian I need you," he sobbed.

"Okay, okay, okay," Brian soothed. Brian looked up at the doctor. "I'm coming with him," he insisted.

The doctor was already starting to pull the gurney as she looked up at Brian and shook her head. "I'm sorry, hospital policy."

He looked at the woman's name tag. "Look, Dr. Green, I'm his boyfriend and I don't give a fuck about hospital policy."

"Let us go," she insisted, "or I'll call security." By her look, Brian knew she was serious.

Brian leaned down and gave Justin a soft kiss on the lips and grabbed Justin's arms and disentangled them from his neck. "I love you," he said.

"Brian!" Justin called in panic as the doctor began rolling him away from Brian. Brian let Justin go and held onto his hand until the gurney was pulled too far away for him to hold on.

"I'm sorry," Brian called right before Justin disappeared behind the double doors. Brian went up to the window in the door to try to see Justin, but they turned a corner out of sight. Brian felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to look at Michael. Brian let Michael pull him into a hug. Brian wrapped his arms around Michael loosely, then tightened his grip as tears escaped his eyes. Brian let out a ragged breath before he pulled away and started to head over to the waiting room. Brian and Michael sat down in the uncomfortable chairs. As Brian stared intently on the tile pattern on the floor, he felt Michael's eyes on him. "Stop looking at me."

"Sorry," Michael said. They let the silence drag on for a few minutes. Michael sensed that Brian didn't want to talk, be touched, be looked at, or be alone. He needed time to get himself together. So Michael waited for Brian to make the first move.

"We need to call everyone," Brian finally said, standing up from the chair, signaling that he was through with his emotional dwelling, and ready to busy himself. He pulled out his cell phone and started dialing.

"Jennifer," Brian said over the phone. "It's Brian... I don't know... I don't know, the doctor won't let me see him... Yeah, we're at the hospital... Okay, bye."

Brian repeated the conversation as he called all of their friends. He sat down next to Michael to wait for everyone to come. Jennifer was first to come, shortly followed by Debbie, Ted, Emmett, Ben, and Lindsay. Brian sat riveted to his chair and refused to look at anyone who approached him, afraid of falling to pieces, afraid they would see the tears he was fighting to hold in. Brian sat there silently, ignoring the many, "What did he say?"s "How did he look?"s and "Do you think he'll be alright?"s for ten minutes before standing up in frustration and started pacing. The group watched on in silence as Brian paced up and down as if he were a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at the slightest trigger. Whenever a doctor emerged from the double doors, Brian stepped towards the doctor as the group half rose from their chairs in expectations, only to discover the doctor was there to address another family or receive another patient. Brian sat down in a chair again with a heavy sigh of frustration. Feeling many sets of eyes on him, Brian picked up a magazine and pretended to be reading an article about breast cancer. In his mind's eye, he imagined the different horrors that Justin might have experienced. Brian didn't know anything about what happened. He didn't know if Justin had run away or if he had been abducted. He didn't know if Justin had been beaten or raped or starved or traumatized. He didn't know anything. His mind was racing; he couldn't stop imagining what might have happened.

_Stop and think_, Brian told himself, taking a deep breath to interrupt his racing thoughts. _He had a black eye, so he was obviously punched. He said he felt faint. That could mean that he didn't eat or drink or sleep. It could mean that they did something to him or gave him some drugs._ That was all that he could come up with, but it was enough to keep his mind from imagining other scenarios. He felt so useless. Justin wanted him with him, needed him. Brian remembered the look of panic on Justin's face when Brian let him go. Brian looked at his watch. 10:22. This did him little good since he didn't know what time they arrived at the hospital.

Brian looked up from the magazine he wasn't reading and looked up at Michael, who was standing with Ben, Ted and Emmett, talking. To his right, Debbie was consoling Jennifer, who was clutching a tissue that she occasionally used to dab her eyes or nose. "Mikey," Brian said with a hoarse voice, causing Michael to turn around. Brian cleared his throat and continued, "What time did we get here?"

Michael took a second to remember, and then he told him, "Around 9:15."

Brian took another glance at his watch and stood up, dropping the magazine onto the table as he approached the nurses' station, closely followed by Michael. Brian reached the desk and stared impatiently at the nurse on the phone. Brian cleared his throat loudly, with no reaction from the nurse. Brian slapped his hand loudly on the counter, causing the nurse to jump in her seat. "Excuse me," Brian said loudly. He waited for her to hang up and look up at him.

"Can I help you?" she said in an uninterested tone.

"Yeah, I think you can," Brian said in an edgy tone. "Justin Taylor. He was taken in over an hour ago and we haven't heard anything or been allowed to see him."

"Sir, I'm sure that the doctor on his case will come out to talk to you as soon as he is able to." The nurse turned towards the phone that was ringing, signaling an end to the conversation.

Before she could lift the receiver, Brian reached over and held the phone down. "I don't think that you understand. I'm demanding to know the status of Justin Taylor, and if you don't send a doctor to talk to us, I swear to God, I will search every floor of this fucking hospital and find him!"

"Brian," Michael said, trying to remind him to keep his cool. Brian ignored him and stared at the nurse, keeping his hand over the ringing phone.

"I'll call and see if the doctor can talk to you when he has a moment," she offered. "Now, remove your hand from the phone."

Brian released the phone and stormed back to his chair, hearing Michael thank the nurse for him. Brian was fiddling with his seashell bracelet when Michael sat next to him. Brian let Michael put a hand on his shoulder. Brian closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. He was trembling, whether out of fear or anger, he did not know. He couldn't stand not knowing. He alternated between watching the double doors, observing his friends, and glancing at his watch. His watched displayed 10:50 when the double doors opened at the doctor that he had fought with earlier emerged. Recognizing her, Brian stood up as she approached them. Others around him noticed and rose also to crowd around her.

"Are you here for Justin Taylor?" Dr. Green addressed the group surrounding her. Affirmative answers of various sorts were given at the same time.

"How is he?" Brian asked. He just then realized how sweaty his palms were.

The woman absentmindedly fingered a corner of the clipboard in her hand. "Justin Taylor is not in critical condition. He does not have any serious injuries. He has sustained tearing of the tissue of the rectum."

"Was he... raped?" Brian asked in a voice that clearly indicated he wanted to hear no.

The doctor paused at the interruption. "Yes. He is conscious and on an IV drip. I gave him a sedative to calm him."

"Oh, sweet Sunshine," Debbie said to no one in particular.

The doctor continued, "We want to keep him for two days to treat for dehydration and observation. That is not to say that he has not suffered a traumatic assault, but he is lucky to be in such good condition considering the circumstances."

"Can we see him?" Debbie asked before Brian could even open his mouth.

"He is giving a statement to the police at the moment. When he is finished, he will be able to take visitors." Then, with a look at the large group, she added, "one at a time." She turned and disappeared again behind the swinging double doors.

Brian looked over and caught Jennifer's eyes, the question understood between them. Before Jennifer could say anything, Brian said, "You can go first, you're his mother." She smiled, mouthing "thank you," and reached for Brian's hand. At the feeling of her soft hand touching his, he retracted his hand and put both in his pocket, sitting down. She didn't understand that he wasn't doing this as a favor to her. After hearing that Justin was raped, Brian felt a pain build in his chest. A minute ago, he couldn't wait to see Justin, now he was scared. What was he supposed to say? And how was he supposed to keep himself from breaking down if he saw a single tear on Justin's cheek? He needed time to prepare himself.

After fifteen minutes, Dr. Green approached them again. Jennifer stood up, ready to see her son. But Dr. Green walked right up to Brian, who had not bothered to stand up at her appearance. Brian looked up at her face with an expectant expression. "Are you Brian Kinney?" she asked.

Brian had several clever, sarcastic comments at the tip of his tongue, but instead, responded, "Yes."

"Justin's been asking to see you," she said.

Brian looked over at Jennifer, who clearly looked disappointed, but she said, "It's okay, Brian. You see him first."

Brian looked at Michael next to him, wishing he could come with him, so he wouldn't have to face this alone. Michael gave his hand a squeeze of support. Brian slowly stood up from the chair, shaking his hands to keep them from shaking with nerves. He took a deep breath and followed Dr. Green through the double doors, taking one last glance at his friends, or family as Debbie would insist, who were watching him leave. The walk was all too short and Dr. Green was slowing to a stop at an open doorway. She gestured for him to enter the room, but he didn't move right away. Brian looked through the window and saw Justin looking at the doctor in the doorway and knew that Justin was expecting him to walk in. Justin then turned and saw him in the window. Brian turned away from the window and looked at the doctor, not sure he could go in. He remembered those weeks that he spent outside Justin's hospital room after the bashing, never venturing inside.

"I don't know what to say," he said.

"I don't think he expects you to say much," she encouraged. Brian walked into the doorway and found himself staring into Justin's eyes. "Take as much time as you need," the doctor said before she left.

Brian stepped forward and allowed the cop to exit. Brian's racing thoughts disappeared as he looked into Justin's eyes. Brian offered a smile, to which Justin responded by breaking into tears. Brian was instantly at Justin's side, holding Justin's hand in one hand and wiping away his tears in his other hand.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Don't cry."

"I'm s-s-sorry," Justin choked out. "I c-ca-can't h-help it."

"Don't apologize," Brian reassured quickly, pulling Justin into his chest and began to gently rock him awkwardly. Neither said anything while Brian held Justin as he cried. All of Brian's worries about his own ability to handle the situation went out the window and was replaced solely with comforting Justin, who needed him right now.

Justin couldn't believe how wonderful it felt to be in Brian's arms at last. He didn't want to ever let go. After Justin came to the hiccupping end of his tears, he felt Brian's arms loosen to release him. "Can you... hold me for a while?" Brian tightened his arms, mumbling, "Sure." Justin didn't care that he was twisted at an uncomfortable angle or that Brian was too. Justin didn't care that he was aching all over. Justin breathed in deeply, inhaling Brian's scent. After what felt like seconds, but was closer to minutes, the pain of the twisted position became too much for Justin to bear. He reluctantly released Brian and readjusted his position with a grimace and groan.

Concerned, Brian placed a hand at Justin's forehead, brushing back Justin's bangs. "Are you okay?"

"It hurts," Justin said through clenched teeth.

"Where?"

"Everywhere," Justin whispered, turning his head towards Brian, eyes closed, suddenly exhausted, probably due to the sedative. Justin gave a whimper of discomfort. "I'm just going to close my eyes for a bit."

"Okay," Brian whispered, grabbing Justin's hand. Brian watch Justin fall asleep slowly, relishing in the peaceful look on Justin's face.

Brian sat back in his chair, absentmindedly moving his thumb over the Justin's hand, watching Justin's chest rise and fall. Brian's eyes eventually fell onto the hand he was holding in his own. Brian's eyes widened as he leaned forward to look closer at the bruises on Justin's delicate wrist. With the hand that wasn't entwined in Justin's he brushed his fingers lightly over the deep blue bruise. They tied him up. He obviously struggled. He ran a hand over his face, falling back into the chair.

Brian stared at a painting of a sunflower on the wall. He wondered if they thought this would cheer up patients who didn't get flowers. For amusement's sake, Brian tried to imagine how Justin would critique the painting: _The artist used a lot of yellow and black, suggesting the artist was depressed on the inside, but outwardly happy. The composition is good._ That's as far as Brian got. Brian realized that he didn't really pay attention to Justin's art critiques. From now on, Brian vowed to appreciate Justin. He had come so close to losing him.

Brian's train of thought was interrupted when Justin pulled his hand away from Brian's. Brian looked at Justin, thinking he had woken up, but saw he was still asleep. Justin's head moved from side to side and his legs were squirming. In his sleep, Justin mumbled, "No... no... stop... NO!!!"

Brian stood quickly and leaned over Justin, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. "Justin, wake up, it's just a dream."

Brian felt Justin's hands suddenly on his chest pushing away. Then Justin started to hit Brian blindly. "NO!!! GET OFF OF ME!!! STOP!!!"

Brian grabbed hold of Justin's fists and held them still. "Justin, it's just a dream."

Justin's eyes finally focused on Brian and he stopped hitting him, just panted. Brian let go of Justin's hands and reached over to touch Justin's face, but Justin flinched away from the hand. Brian pulled away from Justin and stood there, watching Justin, who had covered his face with his hand to try to hide his tears.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. They looked over to see a nurse in pink scrubs standing there. Walking in, she asked, "How are you feeling?"

Justin quickly wiped away his tears and sniffled. "Fine," he lied.

"I have you're medication, here," she held up a small paper cup with pills in it. Brian grabbed the water pitcher next to the bed and poured Justin a cup of water. Justin accepted both cups and choked down the pills.

"I need to take your vitals," she said. The nurse turned to address Brian when she said, "If you will step out for a moment, sir."

Brian started to turn to leave when Justin said, "He can stay."

The nurse nodded and pulled the hanging cloth curtain around the bed for privacy and started to put on gloves. Only Brian noticed Justin eying her gloved hands with trepidation. She turned towards Justin with a thermometer in her hand. Justin held it in his mouth until it beeped and she took it, writing the number down on the chart. She put on her stethoscope and listened to his heartbeat, watching her watch as she did so. She next took his blood pressure and wrote some more on her chart. "I need you to roll over onto your stomach so I can apply ointment onto your wounds." Brian helped the nurse assist Justin as he rolled over, accompanied by short grunts of pain from Justin. Once on his stomach, Brian and the nurse had a clear view of his back and part of his butt through the opening in the back of Justin's hospital gown. Justin looked up to see Brian's reaction.

Brian's eyes were wide with astonishment and horror as he took in the condition of Justin's back. There were very visible bruises and indentations that were all long and thin, covering his entire back. Brian did not need to ask to know that they were the markings of a belt. Brian looked down when he felt a hand touch his own and took Justin's hand into his own, swallowing his feelings down. The nurse did not seem shocked in the slightest at the sight. Brian wondered how often doctors saw these kinds of wounds. Probably more often than he cared to think. The nurse squirted some sort of clear liquid onto her gloved hands and started to apply it all over Justin's back. Justin let out a whimper and squeezed Brian's hand, who responded by kneeling down so his face was inches away from Justin's pained face. It was obvious to Brian that Justin was having a hard time separating the feeling of her hands from the memory of his attackers' hands. Justin locked eyes with Brian's, focusing on his eyes and repeating to himself that it was Brian and he was safe, trying to make himself believe it. When the nurse was finished, she told Justin, "Stay on your stomach for at least five minutes to let the ointment be absorbed." When the nurse left them alone, Brian continued to stare at Justin's back.

"It's not that bad," Justin tried to lighten the mood.

In Brian's mind's eye, he saw Justin tied to a bed, and some faceless man swinging a belt down on Justin's back, making him pull against the restraints. Brian could almost hear the whistling of the belt and Justin's screams in his head. Brian suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe, like there wasn't any air in the room. "I... I'll be right back," Brian found himself saying as he backed towards the doorway.

"Where are you going?" Justin asked, not wanting him to go.

"Bathroom," he lied, and walked out the door before Justin could protest further. Brian followed the signs that pointed him to the exit. He emerged through the double doors into the waiting room.

Brian saw his friends spot him and stand up. "How is he?" Emmett asked. "What did he say?" Debbie asked. Brian walked right past them, needing fresh air desperately.

He burst through the exit doors and gulped in air deeply like he was coming up from water. He put his hands on his knees for support as he gasped for air through heavy sobs, not caring that all his friends were probably watching though the windows. "Brian?" he heard Michael's voice and felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and threw his arms around his best friend and let himself fall apart, sobbing loudly and choking in air. He practically placed all of his weight on Michael who shuffled his feet as he struggled to support his friend. "Hey, hey, it's okay," Michael soothed into his ear. "What is it?" Brian knew that he couldn't form words to answer him. "Brian? You're starting to scare me. Is Justin okay?" Still not able to speak yet, Brian just nodded his head on Michael's shoulder just to give him peace of mind that Justin was still alive and okay. "Then what is it?" Michael asked in a soft voice.

Brian forced himself to remove his arms from Michael's back, but allowing Michael to still hold his arms around his shaking form. He wiped away the tears on his cheek, only for more tears to replace them. He sniffled and rested his forehead against Michael's, trying to pull himself together. "He-he-he had a n-nightmare," he sniffled. "He was screaming and hitting me, thinking I was his attacker."

"He didn't know it was you," Michael reassured him, thinking that was all.

"I know that," Brian said, wiping his dripping nose on the back of his hand. "When the nurse was checking him, I saw... he had... there were..." he couldn't find the words.

"What?" Michael prompted.

"Bruises... on his back... from a belt," he choked out.

"Oh, God," Michael breathed, rubbing a hand on Brian's trembling back.

"They were all over his back," Brian said. "Over twenty... at least."

"It's okay," Michael said, out of things to say other than to calm Brian.

"I felt like I couldn't breathe in there," he said, feeling he needed to explain himself.

"It's okay," Michael repeated, sounding like a broken record.

"He's in there, hurting, and he needs me. He was raped and tortured and I've just had a shitty night. What kind of worthless piece of shit boyfriend am I if I can't be there for him?"

Michael pulled away and grabbed Brian's head with both hands. "Hey," he said, and then lifted Brian's head. "Look at me. Don't say that."

"It's true," Brian said with a sniffle. "If this is what it's like to see the bruises, I can't imagine what he went through..." he trailed off, dipping his head again.

"Hey," Michael said, lifting Brian's head to reestablish eye contact. "Yes, Justin has been through worse than any of us can even imagine. But you are his lover, and his pain becomes your pain." Brian's silence confirmed Michael's statement. "He's not the only one affected by this. There is nothing wrong if you get overwhelmed." Brian sniffed and nodded, accepting Michael's words. Brian closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Michael's again and took some shaky deep breaths, trying to calm his breathing so he could go back in there. Michael held Brian until he was breathing steadily. Brian pulled away and wiped his tears away. "Here," Michael said, holding out a tissue, which Brian took. "You ready to go back in?" Brian nodded and turned, groaning when he saw all of his friends a few feet away, watching though the windows. Once spotted, they backed away from the window and pretended they hadn't been watching his breakdown.

Brian and Michael walked back into the hospital together. They were instantly surrounded by friends with concerned faces.

"Brian, are you okay?" "Oh, sweetheart..." "Brian?" "Is everything okay?" "Can I get you anything?"

Jennifer stepped forward, separating herself from the crowd, insisting on Brian's attention. "Is Justin okay? Is something wrong?"

"He's okay," Brian answered, then added, "He's shaken up and traumatized and scared. I just got a little..." he didn't know how to put it and was grateful when Michael stepped in and saved him.

"Overwhelmed," Michael finished.

Brian took a deep breath and said, "I should get back. He thinks I'm taking a piss."

"I'll go with you," Michael said. It was a statement, not an offer.

Brian silently led Michael to Justin's room and, with and encouraging squeeze on the shoulder, walked in. Justin was still on his stomach, with his head turned towards the door. Justin looked up when they entered and let out a sigh of relief as though he was scared he'd never see him again. "I was scared you had left," he breathed, indicating that he knew that Brian hadn't gone to the bathroom.

"I needed some air," Brian said, leaving it at that.

"Mother fuckers," Michael let out at the sight of Justin's back. "Sorry," he added as an afterthought.

Justin turned his head further to see Michael standing there, looking at him. With a sigh of frustration, he let his head fall onto the pillow, eyes closed, not trying to hide his dissatisfaction of having another person see his scars.

"Let's get you onto your back," Brian said. Brian and Michael helped Justin roll over, carefully trying to hold parts of Justin that weren't bruised.

Justin groaned in pain once he was on his back, turning to stare at Brian who avoided his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Brian tried to sound nonchalant.

"You know what," Justin said, and then, as if he had to remind Brian, "my back."

Brian was quiet for a while, fingering his bracelet. "That must have hurt," he said, looking up at Justin to see his reaction.

Justin kept a calm face as he stared at Brian, then turned away, letting out a response in a small voice, "I guess." Brian knew: it had hurt like hell. Brian reached out and covered Justin's hand. Justin offered a half smile and weaved his fingers with Brian's.

"We'll get through this," Brian said, then added, "together." Justin nodded, fighting to keep control of his face. He felt enough shame crying in front of Brian, he didn't want to cry in front of Michael. "Hey, look at me." Justin kept his eyes on the blanket on him, shaking his head. He felt fingers under his chin, lifting his head to look into Brian's overly caring eyes. Justin saw the compassion, love and worry in Brian's eyes. It was too much. His eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip started to tremble. Brian sat down on small hospital bed and wrapped an arm around Justin's shoulder and let Justin bury his head in his chest. "It's okay," Brian said. "Just let it out."

"I hate this," Justin sobbed into Brian's chest. He was referring to many things: the embarrassment of having Michael see him crying, the fact that he couldn't go five minutes without crying, and the knowledge that all of his friends knows what happened to him.

"I know," Brian said. "I know you do."


	4. Chapter 4

**So sorry for the long delay. I've been so busy and I kind of forgot about the story. I'm just posting what I had written a while ago. I don't know if there will be more. I'm flaky like that. I'm currently working on another story. Again I'm sorry. I hope you like the story.**

Brian woke up with a terrible pain in his neck and shoulders and his left arm was tingling with numbness. Brian raised his head off of his arm and found Justin staring at him with a small smile on his face as he watched Brian with a look of fondness. Brian rubbed his eyes and rotated his shoulders to try to get rid of some of the stiffness. "How long have you been awake?" Brian asked.

"Half hour, maybe."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"I was watching you sleep." Brian smirked. "I do that," Justin commented. "Sometimes I wake up and watch you sleep."

"I'm very flattered that you find me so appealing when I'm half comatose," Brian joked.

Justin laughed and Brian smiled. Brian felt so accomplished, having been able to get Justin to laugh. It sounded like sweet melody to Brian's ears. This would be Justin's third day in the hospital and in a few hours, they were going to discharge Justin and he would come home with Brian. Brian tried to think of something to say that would distract Justin from remembering his attack, even if for only a few more minutes.

"Remember that drawing that you drew of me sleeping?"

"The one that you bought from the auction? Yeah. I can't believe you did that."

"I am my biggest fan," Brian said. He was rewarded by another beautiful laugh from Justin. "Besides, would you want someone else to have it and jerk off to?"

"No, you could just jerk them off personally," Justin said, but with a smile.

"I don't want to jerk off anyone but you," Brian said, leaning over and placing a soft, tender kiss on Justin's lips. "I love you." Brian hovered over Justin, looking deeply into Justin's eyes.

"You've never said that before," Justin said, not recalling that Brian said it a few days ago when he was being admitted.

Brian let that slide and said, "I should have said it earlier, but it scared me. I've never meant anything as much as I mean it when I say I love you."

"I love you too," Justin said, leaning forward to kiss Brian hard on the lips. Brian responded by darting his tongue into Justin's mouth and kissing him deeply. Justin placed his hand at the back of Brian's neck, pulling him close, desire burning inside him. Justin felt Brian's hand at his neck, reciprocating the gesture. He felt like he couldn't get enough of Brian. He desperately wanted Brian inside of him, fucking him. Brian's lips moved from Justin's lips down to Justin's neck, sucking and kissing. Justin closed his eyes and took in the sensation of Brian's lips.

Suddenly, Brian disappeared and he was back in That Room. Justin felt His lips on his skin. He felt a sudden loss of control, totally vulnerable to His attacks.



Justin forced his eyes open with a gasp that Brian mistook for a gasp of pleasure. Brian trailed his tongue back to Justin's mouth and began kissing Justin. Justin tried to focus on Brian, forcing the memory of His touch. Justin's pulse quickened, and, try as he might, he couldn't forget. His skin crawled at the touch of his kidnapper and he couldn't suppress it any longer. "No," Justin whispered so softly that He didn't hear it.

"What?" his attacker asked, now sucking on Justin's earlobe.

"I said no!" Justin said, bringing his hands up and started to push against His chest, which wasn't moving away, even though Justin did feel His mouth leave his ear.

"Justin, it's me," He said.

"Get off of me!" Justin shouted, shoving against His chest with enough force to send Him stumbling away from him. Justin's breathed fast, suddenly able to take in oxygen, free from Him. As Justin panted, he got his bearings again. He looked over to see Brian picking himself off the floor, picking up and straightening the chair he had stumbled over. Justin saw the frightened expression on Brian's face. Once standing, Brian looked into Justin's eyes as if he couldn't look away, rooted to the spot he stood. Justin was worried that he hurt Brian, that he just blew it. "Brian, I'm sorry," Justin apologized in a pleading voice. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Justin hoped desperately that Brian would understand and forgive him.

"No, I'm sorry," Brian said, as if woken from a trance. He closed the distance between him and Justin and hesitated before sitting on the bed. He reached for Justin's hand and held it in both of his. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have rushed things. I just wanted to... I let my own passion take over and didn't really think. I feel like such an idiot."

"I wanted to, too," Justin said. "It felt good. I just-" Justin's voice caught in his throat and tears came to his eyes.

"It's okay," Brian said.

Justin rolled his eyes up and breathed deep through his nose, blinking rapidly at the light, trying to stop the tears. When Justin felt like he had suppressed the tears, he lowered his eyes to look at his hand being held in Brian's. He couldn't look at Brian. If he did, he knew he would fall apart and he wanted to try to go the whole day without crying. Brian understood and didn't say anything or move at all, which Justin was very grateful for. They sat there like that, not looking at each other, for five long minutes of silence when they were startled by a knock on the door. Looking over in surprise, they saw Jennifer standing there.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Jennifer said.

"No," Justin said, removing his hand from Brian's. "Hi, Mom," he addressed his mother.

"Hello, sweetheart," she placed a kiss on Justin's forehead like she did when he was little. Brian saw Justin close his eyes at the kiss, not in discomfort, but rather like he felt safe. For a moment, Brian felt bad that he could not make Justin feel that way and his mother could. Then Brian told himself that that wasn't true. Brian knew that he made Justin feel safe. He just didn't feel like he did such a great job at the moment. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Justin looked up at his mother, giving her a pinched smile.

"Glad to hear it," Jennifer looked at Brian. "Brian, could you give us a minute?"

"Sure," Brian answered, standing up, and after a lingering look at Justin, he exited the room and found a nearby chair in the hallway.

Justin looked at his mother expectantly. Justin let her brush the hair from his face. "You need a haircut."

"I like my hair like this," Justin protested. Jennifer looked like she wanted to say something but wasn't sure if she should. "What is it, Mom?"

Jennifer tilted her head and sighed, letting her shoulders drop. "Sweetheart, I know you said you wanted to go back to Brian's place-"

"I still do," Justin interrupted.

"I know you do," she acknowledged. "But do you think you're ready? Maybe if you come home with me at first, and then when you're ready, you can stay with Brian."

Justin knew that his mother wanted to take care of him. He also knew that she thought that living with a man would make it hard to forget the rape. "I love Brian. I trust him."

Jennifer looked into his eyes and saw he wouldn't budge. "Okay. It was worth a shot." Justin laughed and Jennifer smiled. "It's nice to hear you laugh." Justin smiled but didn't respond. "Debbie says that everyone's thinking of you and hopes you get better."

"Tell her thanks," Justin said, missing the normalness of hanging with his friends at the diner. If he closed his eyes, he could almost picture himself at the Liberty Diner, gossiping with Emmet and Michael, Brian's arm draped around his shoulder.

"They've been asking about you," Jennifer said. "They really want to see you."

"Mom, I told you-"

"Yes, I know, you don't want anyone to see you like this."

"Except you and Brian," Justin added.

Jennifer smiled. She glanced at her watch. "It's almost time," she was referring to the time he was going to be discharged. "Listen, I know that Brian is going to be there and is going to watch out for you, but I don't want you to hesitate to call me. Even if it's just to say hi, or more. You know you can talk to me."

"I know," Justin answered with his mouth full.

"Right, then," Jennifer got up. "I guess I'll go get Brian." Jennifer walked out and found Brian sitting in a nearby chair in the hallway. He got up when she approached. As with their routine, they started walking 

back towards Justin's room. Jennifer stopped before they reached the door. "Brian." Brian stopped and turned to face her. "I know you probably will, but I have to say this anyways. I want you to watch him, make him feel safe. Make sure he rests. And don't... don't rush him. I don't think he'll be ready for... sex any time soon."

"You know I'd never do anything to harm him or rush him," he said, guiltily thinking of the last incident where he rushed him.

"I know that. And I want you to call me, day or night, if you can't calm him yourself, or you need someone to watch him, or anything."

Brian gave her a reassuring smile. "I will." Satisfied, Jennifer turned and continued walking to Justin's room. After five minutes, Dr. Green joined them.

"Okay, Justin," Dr. Green said when she entered. "It's time for you to go home." She took his vitals one last time. Once she was done, she handed him a business card and said, "This is the name and number of Rita Ross, if you ever need someone to talk to. She's a counselor that works with rape victims." Justin nodded, accepting the card. "You can get changed and then we'll have a wheelchair escort for you."

The doctor left the room. Jennifer reached into a plastic bag and handed Justin a set of clothes that she had brought for him, before leaving the room to give them privacy.

Justin pushed the blanket off of him and swung his legs off the side of the bed. Justin grabbed his underwear and leaned over to put them on, then groaned.

"Here," Brian said, grabbing the underwear from Justin and guided Justin's legs through the opening. Brian saw that Justin was uncomfortable letting Brian touch him, but knew that he couldn't do it on his own, so he resigned himself to Brian's help. Brian slowly slid the underwear up Justin's legs. Once he reached Justin's legs, he removed his hands from the underwear and grabbed Justin by the shoulders, helping him to his feet. He then pulled the underwear the rest of the way up, under the hospital gown. Grabbing Justin's jeans, he leaned over and Justin, without a word, lifted one foot, sliding it through one leg. Justin held onto Brian's shoulder for support as Brian helped him into his jeans. Once his jeans were on and zipped, Justin turned around and let Brian untie the back of the hospital gown.

Brian did not say anything at the sight of Justin's still bruised back. Justin grabbed the shirt and was able to pull it on by himself. Justin sat back down on the bed as Brian went to the door to open it and let the nurse with the wheelchair in. Justin sat down in the wheelchair and let Brian wheel him outside to the Brian's car while his mother took care of the release forms. Once Brian and Justin were buckled in, they took off without a word. Justin appreciated the silence. It gave him a chance to let his thoughts run. He watched cars and buildings pass by. He wondered if They were still out there. What if he ran into Them? What would They do to him? What if They did it again? What if They killed him? What if They were doing what They did to him to someone else? Who is their next victim? Who's at home, worrying about them? What if They hadn't left town? Even if they had, what if someone else hurt him? Raped him? Was he ever going to be safe?

Before he realized it, Brian slowed to a stop in front of the loft. "Home, sweet home," he said, turning off the ignition. Justin had just unbuckled his seatbelt when the door opened. Justin curled up in fetal position, anticipating attack before he realized it was Brian, who he hadn't notice even leave the car, much less walk around to his door. Justin took Brian's outstretched hand and Brian helped him out of 

the car. A tall man walked past them, bumping Justin's shoulder as he passed. Justin clung onto Brian's arm, pressing himself into him, wanting his protection. Brian pulled his arm away and placed it around Justin's shoulders and felt Justin's arm snake around his lower back. "Let's go inside." They took the elevator up and Justin let go of Brian to let Brian fish out his key. He let them in and secured and bolted the door, setting the alarm. Justin stood there watching as Brian went around the loft, locking the windows and closing the blinds for Justin's benefit. Once Brian was done, he walked back to Justin who stood rooted to the spot in the middle of the room. Justin threw his arms around Brian and held him close. Brian held Justin, listening to his breathing, joined by an occasional sniffle.

"Do you think They're still out there?" Justin asked into Brian's ear.

"They're probably miles away by now," Brian tried to reassure Justin.

"That's what he said."

"What who said?"

"One of the men," Justin said, glad that he didn't have to look at Brian while he was holding him. "He was... he was the nice one. He said they were skipping town. Always on the move. Afraid of getting caught."

"Well, you see. They're probably long gone by now."

"And if they aren't?" Justin lifted his chin off Brian's shoulder and looked Brian in the eyes, feeling exposed and vulnerable. "It could happen again, if not by Them, then by someone else."

Brian placed his hand under Justin's chin as if to keep him from looking down. "It won't happen again. If anyone tries, I will kill them personally. Okay?"

Justin nodded and placed his head back on Brian's shoulder and let out a breath. "I can't believe They're going to get away with this and hurt more people." Brian rubbed Justin's back. Justin finally pulled away from the tender embrace, and with a long look into Brian's eyes, he led Brian by the hand to the couch. Sitting side by side, Brian started kissing Justin, soft at first, then with a little more passion, but careful to make sure that Justin was reciprocating. Justin pulled away. Brian searched Justin's eyes for an indication that he went too far again. "Can you hold me for a while?" Justin whispered. Brian wrapped his arm around Justin and pulled him into his chest. Justin breathed in Brian's familiar scent that he loved. Justin listened to Brian's heartbeat for a while before growing uncomfortable in his position. He readjusted so that he was lying on the couch with his head in Brian's lap. Brian stroked Justin's hair lovingly. Brian wanted to ask Justin to talk about the rape, not that Brian wanted to hear it, but that he knew Justin needed to talk about it. But Brian knew it was too soon. Plus, Justin should be the one to bring it up.

They stayed like that for a long time, each letting their thoughts wonder, feeling the comfort of being with each other. After an hour, they got up to eat. After eating, they moved to the bed, holding each other in silence again. That's how they spent the entire afternoon and evening: holding each other. The light streaming in through the blinds was getting dimmer and dimmer as time passed.



"It's funny," Brian said, speaking for the first time in the last five hours of silence. "I always thought that nothing was better than sex. All those years of great fucks with numerous tricks can't compare with the feeling of being able to hold you, after almost losing you again. Just holding you."

Justin lifted his head up and looked around. "Did you hear that?"

Brian was fully alert, half sitting up, looking around the loft, looking for an intruder. "What?"

"I think that the world just stopped," Justin said with a smirk. "The Brian Kinney we knew and loved has become a sap."

Brian shoved Justin's shoulder. "Don't fucking scare me like that." Justin gasped in pain, collapsing onto the bed. "Oh, fuck, Justin, are you okay?" Justin nodded with his eyes closed. "God, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Justin said, opening his eyes and rolling over to face Brian's concerned face. "You just have to be more gentle for a while."

"Shit, I'm sorry," Brian said again.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"Stop apologizing. It's annoying."

"Sorry," Brian said before catching himself. "Sorry," he said, apologizing for having said sorry. Justin raised his eyebrow and Brian stopped talking.

Justin looked at Brian's chest with a somber expression. "What would you do if you saw them?"

"Who?" Brain asked, even though he knew who.

"You know... My attackers."

Brian closed his eyes, imagining it in his mind, feeling rage course through his veins. "I'd first beat the shit out of them. Punching and kicking them, then I'd pick up a bat or a pipe and beat them with it. I'd cut off their dicks and shove it down their own throats, then I'd kill them."

"Wow," Justin said, surprised by the intensity of Brian's words.

"Well, they can't do what they did to you and get away with it."

"You don't even know what they did." Brian didn't respond. "They blindfolded me."

"You don't have to talk about it," Brian said.

"I want to," Justin said. "Just promise you won't get mad."



"I promise," Brian assured him, brushing away Justin's hair. "And I won't judge."

Justin closed his eyes and took his time finding the right words. "I woke up, I didn't know how I got there. I was tied, spread eagle, face down on a bed. There was tape over my mouth. I was naked and cold. A man came in. He sat on my legs and he-he licked my back. He bit my shoulders, hard. Then he got off me and he took off his belt. I thought he was going to rape me. I couldn't see anything. Then he hit me. With the belt."

Brian wiped a tear from Justin's eye. "On your back?"

Justin nodded and sniffed. "Over and over again. I-I wet myself," Justin admitted, crying in shame.

"It's okay," Brian said.

"Then he left. I guess I fell asleep. I heard someone come in. I thought it was the same man that whipped me, but I later found out it was someone else. He put on a condom and he… fucked me. He was gentle with me. I… I started to respond." Justin covered his face with his hands, feeling as if he had betrayed Brian somehow. "It was like my body was betraying me. Brian, I swear I couldn't help it."

"I know, I believe you."

"The nice man finished fucking me. Then he took the tape off my mouth and he told, warned me, what was going to happen."

"What did he say?" Brian asked.

"He told me that there were three of them: him and two others. He said the other two were going to rape me and beat me more. He told me that they would not kill me and that they were going to let me go. I asked him why he was telling me this, and he said it was because I was just a kid, and that I reminded him of his nephew. He untied me and let me go to the bathroom and gave me food and water.

"He left and then two men came in. They tied me on my back. One of them twisted my nipples hard. I heard him light a match." Justin buried his face in Brian's chest and Brian dreaded hearing what came next. "He-he lit a candle, and he let the hot wax drip onto my skin. On my stomach… on my nipple… on the tip of my cock… and on my balls." Brian watched Justin's bottom lip quiver as he remembered the pain. "The other man was smoking a cigarette. He put it out on my stomach." Brian was sure that he had never felt that type of pain. His heart went out to Justin.

"They untied me and put on condoms. One guy started to rape my ass while the other raped my mouth. He didn't use lube. I couldn't breathe because the guy put his dick down my throat. They came and went limp.

"Then one of them asked if I had ever been fisted." Justin couldn't continue as he was overcomed by sobs. Brian's body filled with hate against these evil men that hurt the man he loved.

"I said no and I begged him not to do it, but he put me on my stomach and tied my hands to the bed. They started to argue over who was going to fist me. He used a glove and lots of lube. He went one 

finger at a time until he had his hand in me. He rotated his hand and then clenched his hand into a fist. His fingernails scratched me." Justin demonstrated by holding his hand out flat, rotating it by the wrist, and then clenching it into a fist. "And it hurt so much. He started to punch into my ass, you know, hard and fast. I think that he tore something, down there. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to die. Anything to stop the pain." Justin had to stop again while he sobbed.

"Shh, shh, you're okay," Brian soothed, pulling Justin's face into his chest. "You're safe. I've got you, you're safe now."

"I guess I passed out from the pain, because they were slapping me on the face, to wake me up. They said that they weren't finished with me. He still had his hand up my ass and still pumping in and out. His hand cramped up so he took out his arm and washed his hands. They said that they were hard and they put on fresh condoms and fucked me again; one in my ass, the other in my mouth. It burned, having him fuck my ass, hard and fast, after he fisted me and tore my ass apart. And I couldn't breathe. They came and left me alone.

"The nice man woke me up later, telling me that they were letting me go. I actually hugged him, I was so relieved and grateful. I asked him why he was with those men and why he does what he does. He said that it used to be him, but when he tried to get out, the two men threatened his children. So he tries to go easy on the victim and keep the other two from killing the victim and making sure the victim is released. I asked him if they knew who I was or where I lived. I wanted to know if I had to look over my shoulder everywhere I go or wonder if I would go home with my rapist by mistake. He said they didn't know anything about me and that they planned to skip town, always on the move. The nice man helped me get dressed and walked me down the stairs and into a van. We drove for about twenty minutes before they stopped the car. One of the men gave me some coins and pushed me out of the van. That's when I called you."

Brian felt his heart being ripped to shreds in response to his lover's pain. Justin sobbed heavily and loudly. It was like reliving it all over again. "Shhh... It's okay, it's okay," he soothed into Justin's ear. "It's over, you're safe with me now."

"It was so unbearable. You couldn't believe how much it hurt. Whenever I thought it couldn't get any worse, it did. They wanted to hear me scream, beg for mercy, beg them to stop."

"I'm so sorry," Brian held onto Justin, weaving his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. It should have been me."

They held each other again, but it was different than before. They were calm and comforted before. Now they were shaken and hurting. Brian waited until Justin fell asleep to slide quietly out of bed and creep over to the kitchen.

He picked up the phone and called Michael. Ben picked up. "Hey, put that pudding down," Brian heard Ben shouting at someone else, followed by giggling. "Hello?" he addressed the person on the line.

Brian cleared his throat softly. "Can I talk to Michael?"

"Sure," Ben said, then heard softer, "Michael, it's Brian."



"Brian?" Michael came on.

"I- I'm interrupting. I shouldn't have called."

"No, you're not interrupting. Don't hang up."

"It's okay, I'll call later."

"Brian, it's okay, don't hang up... What's wrong?" He could hear it in Brian's voice.

"I-I don't know where to start," Brian said, closing his eyes. He focused on calming down, taking deep breaths. Michael waited patiently, listening to Brian's breathing. "Justin just told me about what happened. What they did to him."

"That must have been hard to hear."

Brian scoffed a laugh. "You could say that." Then with a more serious tone, "God, I swear, what they did, I want to kill those motherfuckers so bad."

"That bad?"

Brian sighed. "It's unphanthomable. I can't even wrap my head around it. I don't know what to do. I've never really done this before."

"Done what?"

"I've never really been there for him," Brian admitted.

"What are you talking about? You've always been there for him."

"When he got bashed and in the coma and recovery, I was out drinking and fucking."

"Yeah but you eventually-"

"But he didn't remember it then. This time... he remembers everything. He can't forget it. I could handle him if he didn't remember, but he does and I don't know what to do or say."

"You let him know that you are there for him and that he can come to you and talk and cry on your shoulder. And tell him that you love him. He's only been waiting to hear that the last three years, and don't say that you don't, because we both know that that is bullshit."

"I do love him. And I did tell him. I told him, 'I love you.' I love him," he said to himself, liking the sound of it. "I love him. I'm in love with him. Oh, Mikey, I'm head over heels, fourth of July fireworks, out of my mind crazy in love with him."

"I'm happy for you, Bri."

"I wish that saying that could make his pain go away."

"It'll take time."

"After his bashing, it was weeks before he could walk by himself, before he would let me fuck him. Christ, how the fuck is he going to get over this?"

"You have to be patient."

"I swear to God, if I get my hands on those motherfuckers. You should have heard him. He refers to one of them as 'the nice man'. How can you call a rapist the nice man? Fuck!" he exclaimed in frustration, careful not to be too loud as to wake Justin.

"I'm coming over."

"No, Mikey, don't."

"Will you please let me be there for you?"

"It's not that, Mikey, it's just that Justin just got to sleep. I don't want him waking up and seeing that I called you and told you."

"You didn't really tell me what happened to him," Michael pointed out.

"Just stay where you are. Goodbye, Mikey." Hanging up, he stared at the phone before gently putting it in its holder. Not feeling tired at all and scared of what thoughts would come to him if he sat still, Brian headed for the bathroom to take a shower. After a long shower and beer, he climbed into bed. Justin woke up when he climbed in. "Go back to sleep." Justin fell asleep quickly. "Don't have any nightmares," Brian whispered softly.


End file.
